wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
