There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
