What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
