Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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