R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
