idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
