does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Randomize
