fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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