apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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