that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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