we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
it's like iHOP with fire
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Randomize
