No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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