i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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