Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
