Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
