I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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