I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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