Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
