Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
