I think my vagina is haunted
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
