At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize