I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
