When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
pray to the hookup gods
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