Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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