Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
