none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
