i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
