what day is it and did you see me today?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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