she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
