She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
