And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
