member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
