when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
