Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
