we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
