I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize