I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
