Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize