"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
