i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
