Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
