girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
