Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
