I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
