If i come over, it means nothing
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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