so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
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