Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
