okay pat passed out under dana's car
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
