I haven't been this sober since birth.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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