What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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