thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
