chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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