I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
