her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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