Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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