your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
