I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize