There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
