I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
