not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
