Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
this is an emotional support booty call
I have already put on my inside pants.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
