i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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