Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
thus making me awesome and them whores
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
