The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
return my video game
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
