I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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