You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
