booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
