he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
