i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
