Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize