none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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