he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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