Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
it's like iHOP with fire
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
