i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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