So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
