haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
