I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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