So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
