I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
