and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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