The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
