Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
