You're like the curious george of whores
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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