I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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