I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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