you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We need a shit load of segways right now
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
