He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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