I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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