I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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