this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
