Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
