evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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