Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
