Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
