Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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