Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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