just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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