my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
