I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
