I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
