Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
