if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
