his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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