I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
This toilet bowl is my home.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
